Monday, June 26, 2006

feeling all grown up

i know i don't look my age and nearly all the time I don't feel like my age (28). only when having to deal with seemingly adult problems does reality hit home. things like marriage, kids, divorce, mortgages, taxes, aging parents, and death. bleh. carelessly, I prefer to deal in the now, sorta blow by blow and looking ahead or preparing for the future has never been my forte.

well now, my mom's mom who is 86 is dying. i guess she has been for a long time but i've sort of been in denial about the whole thing just shrugging it off as old age and the natual decline of the human body, but it's never really had a difinitive end in sight. i love her dearly and am so sad that her time is seemingly so close. to this day she remains a strong matriarch and relentless foodie in my mind. "eat, eat, EAT!," she says every visit. even saturday, seated in her wheelchair, undernourished and full of her own hopelessness, she ranted at others around her to eat, eat, eat... while she stared at her food listlessly with no appetite.

before last week, I didn't know what hospice was. I didn't know that it was something you had to qualify for and that generally it was a terminal service for those not expected to live longer than 6 months. the type of help someone dying of terminal cancer or HIV might need, but my grandma too? sadly, yes. it means, for her, that all medication and health care will be provided in home, 911 is no longer called rather the hospice service is and that it is DNR (do not resuscitate). gulp. damn getting old sucks.

i guess what's hardest is that even if you accept the fact that a loved one is dying, you are left in waiting, wondering when it will happen and trying to mentally prepare for the moment you know you'll never really be ready for emotionally.

Monday, June 12, 2006

you should have a will dammit

well, here's a tough lesson that you if you don't learn then your beloved family pays the price. literally.

so my half-brother's mom (my dad's first wife; my mom was his second) passed away recently. that sucks, but even worst she didn't have a will. by law, her assets have to go through state probate. ultimately, that will cost her family about $13,000.

what's worse, her son, my brother, ken has been paying the mortgage on her house for the last 10 or so years but the deed on the house was under joint tenancy with the late Sharon and a family "friend." under joint tenancy the property is owned 50/50 with NO survivorship, meaning now that Sharon has passed away the entire title belongs to this so-called friend. well, ken has seen this friend maybe twice since he moved out of the house in the early 90's and has been paying the mortgage since then. this friend paid rent while he lived there but has hardly been seen since. now, technically the house is 100% his because his name was never removed from the deed. we hear that he has a new girlfriend who's son is in real estate and have the feeling that ken is going to get taken for all he's worth. lesson: take care of your paperwork and make yourself a will otherwise it gets really ugly when you die.

i still think people are good and do the right thing but here's a perfect example of someone NOT making good and doing the wrong thing. makes me sick to my stomach.