UNFILTERED -- how I like my sake and my conversations

Loss is a funny thing. Not really talked about. Hard to put into words. Everyone deals differently and comes to terms on their own. Oddly, grandma's passing has left me changed but i'm not sure how to describe the affect.

I feel sad, yet relieved. And I’m not much upset so to speak about it all but little things make me mourn her, especially since its so recent, like my friend Julie's grandmothers getting escorted to their seat prior to her wedding ceremony or Tiger Woods having won the British Open and dedicating it to his late dad. I know time will makes things less raw, but for now I don't feel my-happy go lucky-self.

Don't know why I put this stuff up here or anywhere public for that matter. It's definitely not a cry for help or sympathy plea. Somehow it's my way of "dealing" right now and getting shit of my chest. Like I said, unfiltered. Kanpai.

drunken baseball

wow. never have i gone to a game and not remembered a damn thing. but, i guess there are firsts for everything. kudos to lisa for hosting a pre-game bbq. cheers.

Yuri Sasaki Watanabe May 6, 1920-July 19, 2006

Uncanny life parallels:
beginnings like endings
training wheels like walkers
strollers like wheelchairs
cribs like hospital beds
formula like ensure
diapers like depends
beginnings like endings

Memorable Grandma quotes:
"Don't get old."
"I gotta fart. (Fart) Hallelujah. Hallelujah!"
"EAT, EAT, EAT!!"
"You're getting fat!"
"STOP IT!! Laugh like a lady (humph)."
"Eat, eat, eat."
"Move! Move! (while gently swatting the dogs out of her way with her feet)
"He's too old."
"Ask him how much he as in savings."
"Get married."
"I want you to be happy."
"Eat, eat, eat."

Lived 86 long years. Second youngest daughter of 7 (5 sisters, 1 brother). Had only an 8th grade education but cared for her entire family when her mom died and supported her own family when she had her two daughters. Loyal Sears employee for most of her life. Loyal workhorse. Gorgeous skin. Good cook. Voracious appetite. Loved egg anything... custard, overeasy, omlet, etc. Practical, yet generous. Full of treats. Ashes will be spread in the ocean off the coast of Hawaii where my grandfathers were spread 17 years ago.

couple personal realizations

* the last two entries make this blog feel like an online diary. thing about diaries is, you never think anyone reads them. props to handa for having read mine and acutally saying so.

* this past week has reinforced that at this stage of my life i have a hard time visualizing a social event with OUT alcohol. i am not an alcoholic but thinking through all the shit i do with friends and family, the social lubricant is often something containing alcohol....

* i am commitment-phobic. mix that with an inability to say NO and you've got trouble. let's just say that even when I am COMPLETELY honest and an open book about my feelings, people hear only what they want to hear. I'm not sure what my deal is... maybe I am waiting for the pitter-patter of the heartstrings or flutter of love to sock me in the gut but lately I'm just not feeling it, even though I'm showered with nothing but love. bachelors beware.