i have whole conversations to myself. these days more often than not, i'm in the shower. makes for long showers that's all i'll say.
why is it that around random strangers i can be myself, be silly and carefree...blurt out whatever comes to mind. get in front of someone i know (or am trying to get to know) and regard, i turn into someone not myself, someone more reserved and who has to think twice before opening my mouth. i guess it doesn't matter to me whether or not a total stranger accepts me, BECAUSE they are a total stranger and who gives, right? but, someone who is more significant ... it does matter what they think, dammit.
funny how things change. i used to regard myself as really independent. forged my own path. made plans when there weren't any. still do to some degree. though more and more realize how over time i've leaned on people in my life and let them be a crutch. and i lean from crutch to crutch. time to start walking without the crutch again. somehow i sort of equate that to being more of a hermit. or making new hobbies. or both. i know that only made sense only to me, but go with me here... i need to not lean. which means i need to lay out my options. learn new hobbies. socialize with different circles. or maybe concentrate more on me. hmmmm.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
A little family history / Tamiko Nishikawa Biography March 8, 1920-August 26, 2006
Tamiko was born March 8, 1920 in a farmhouse in Watsonville, CA. Her mother, Take (Chi – tose) and father, Hamazo Sugimoto were from Yamaguchi-ken, Japan. Tamiko was a little over three years old when she, her 16 months old brother Kiraku (later known as ‘Chester’), and parents moved to Japan in May 1923. She grew up in Yanai village, Yamaguchi-ken. She was a student all the way through middle school (8th grade) and in her teen years learned to sew garments and learned other practical home-making arts.
Her father passed away in July 1936. Later that year, by way of family arrangements, Tamiko married Isamu Nishikawa, who was visiting his ancestral home in Yanai with his late father’s ashes. Their marriage was not registered in Japan. In early 1937, when they returned to U.S., they were married again in California. Upon arriving in San Francisco, Tamiko was sent to Angel Island to verify her birth certificate by the INS. At that time she had dual Japanese and U.S. citizenship, but she reaffirmed her American birthright by marriage to Isamu (later known as ‘Sam’), who had already renounced his Japanese citizenship during an earlier visit to Japan.
She and Sam first lived near Japan town in San Francisco where they started a family. Alfred Hirotoshi was born on April 23, 1938 and was followed by Yukio in December 6, 1939. Next, Thomas Nobumasa (my dad) was born on March 19, 1941. Sam was employed as a chef for wealthy families, while Tamiko did domestic work until Hiro was born. Her brother Chester, still in his teens, also lived with them.
In 1941, Chester, interested in agriculture, found a farm in the Salinas area with the help of his Sugimoto relatives. He convinced Tamiko and Sam to move the kids to the countryside of Hollister. Because Chester was still a minor, he needed Sam to be a co-signer for the lease. In November 1941, Tamiko, Sam, and the three boys moved from San Francisco onto the Hollister farm.
Because Pearl Harbor was bombed only a few weeks later, Sam never did co-sign the lease papers. But the landlord allowed the family to stay on the farm even after the signing of Executive Order 9066 on Feb. 19, 1942.
In May 1942 evacuation orders came for the Nishikawas and Uncle Chester to go to the Salinas assembly center. They were later interned at Poston, AZ where they arrived on July 4, 1942. They were assigned to Camp 1, Block 18, Barrack 2, Room A. Their family number was 30406. In a nearby barrack, Uncle Chester, still being single, was quartered with his Sugimoto cousins and aunt from Salinas.
In the barrack hospital room of the hot Poston desert, Tamiko’s last son, Katsuhito (or Kats) was born on February 27, 1944. It should be noted that the birthplace of Kats no longer exists.
Finally in the summer 1945, the family left Poston and returned to California. The family was lodged a few days at the San Jose Betsuin, which was set-up like a refugee shelter for camp returnees. Later they moved to Hunters Point Naval barracks in San Francisco where they lived several months and Hiro attended Cleveland Elementary School.
Meanwhile, Sam contacted Mr. Fujimoto, an old family friend in Gilroy, who helped him locate a Chinese restaurant business. By cashing his life insurance Sam raised the money to buy Pacific Café in Gilroy
Tamiko was the head waitress and cashier at Pacific Café, while Sam was the head chef. The boys attended public schools and as they got older helped out bussing tables in the restaurant. The family lived in quarters behind the restaurant, which became a hang-out for the Nikkei community.
By 1957, Sam had decided that the 24/7 demands of a ‘mom and pop’ restaurant was too much to handle. So he and Tamiko sold the restaurant and moved the family to Santa Clara. By then, Hiro was at U.C. Berkeley and Yukio was signing up with the U.S. Army. Tom and Kats were transferred to high school in Santa Clara. Sam then began a long time employment as a chef with Sakura Gardens in Mt. View.
Soon after, Tamiko began a long-time working relationship with the Zollezzi family in the San Jose Rose Gardens area. First she was a domestic housekeeper for the elders Peter and Irene, then with Fred and Corlista (or Connie) and their four children. She saw them grow up from infancy and even after Tamiko’s retirement, remained in contact with the youngest, Mary Ann.
In the early 60’s, Tamiko did retail clerical work at Import Plus in Santa Clara for T.C. Chao, an entrepreneur in Oriental imported furniture business. Mr. Chao turned out to be the father of Frank who was Hiro’s roommate at Berkeley.
Also during the ‘60s, Tamiko looked after Mr. and Mrs. Suppiger, an elderly couple who shared her love of classical music. They got her tickets to the San Francisco Symphony and Tamiko drove them together to the concerts.
Approaching retirement, Tamiko became active in volunteer work at the Senior Center in San Jose’s Japan Town. As many know, sewing, knitting and crocheting were her life-long passions. She made hundreds of crafts and articles for the San Jose Yu-Ai Kai for gifts and fundraising. Over a 25 year period of volunteer service - she formed many enduring friendships.
Born Buddhist, Tamiko was a life-long adherent of the Shingonshu sect and was active in San Jose Odaishiko with the Koyasan Temple in Sacramento. After her husband’s death, she also attended the Jodoshinshu San Jose Betsuin, and became a member.
She was predeceased by her husband of 60 years, Sam Nishikawa in 1997 and her brother Chester Sugimoto in 2004.
Her father passed away in July 1936. Later that year, by way of family arrangements, Tamiko married Isamu Nishikawa, who was visiting his ancestral home in Yanai with his late father’s ashes. Their marriage was not registered in Japan. In early 1937, when they returned to U.S., they were married again in California. Upon arriving in San Francisco, Tamiko was sent to Angel Island to verify her birth certificate by the INS. At that time she had dual Japanese and U.S. citizenship, but she reaffirmed her American birthright by marriage to Isamu (later known as ‘Sam’), who had already renounced his Japanese citizenship during an earlier visit to Japan.
She and Sam first lived near Japan town in San Francisco where they started a family. Alfred Hirotoshi was born on April 23, 1938 and was followed by Yukio in December 6, 1939. Next, Thomas Nobumasa (my dad) was born on March 19, 1941. Sam was employed as a chef for wealthy families, while Tamiko did domestic work until Hiro was born. Her brother Chester, still in his teens, also lived with them.
In 1941, Chester, interested in agriculture, found a farm in the Salinas area with the help of his Sugimoto relatives. He convinced Tamiko and Sam to move the kids to the countryside of Hollister. Because Chester was still a minor, he needed Sam to be a co-signer for the lease. In November 1941, Tamiko, Sam, and the three boys moved from San Francisco onto the Hollister farm.
Because Pearl Harbor was bombed only a few weeks later, Sam never did co-sign the lease papers. But the landlord allowed the family to stay on the farm even after the signing of Executive Order 9066 on Feb. 19, 1942.
In May 1942 evacuation orders came for the Nishikawas and Uncle Chester to go to the Salinas assembly center. They were later interned at Poston, AZ where they arrived on July 4, 1942. They were assigned to Camp 1, Block 18, Barrack 2, Room A. Their family number was 30406. In a nearby barrack, Uncle Chester, still being single, was quartered with his Sugimoto cousins and aunt from Salinas.
In the barrack hospital room of the hot Poston desert, Tamiko’s last son, Katsuhito (or Kats) was born on February 27, 1944. It should be noted that the birthplace of Kats no longer exists.
Finally in the summer 1945, the family left Poston and returned to California. The family was lodged a few days at the San Jose Betsuin, which was set-up like a refugee shelter for camp returnees. Later they moved to Hunters Point Naval barracks in San Francisco where they lived several months and Hiro attended Cleveland Elementary School.
Meanwhile, Sam contacted Mr. Fujimoto, an old family friend in Gilroy, who helped him locate a Chinese restaurant business. By cashing his life insurance Sam raised the money to buy Pacific Café in Gilroy
Tamiko was the head waitress and cashier at Pacific Café, while Sam was the head chef. The boys attended public schools and as they got older helped out bussing tables in the restaurant. The family lived in quarters behind the restaurant, which became a hang-out for the Nikkei community.
By 1957, Sam had decided that the 24/7 demands of a ‘mom and pop’ restaurant was too much to handle. So he and Tamiko sold the restaurant and moved the family to Santa Clara. By then, Hiro was at U.C. Berkeley and Yukio was signing up with the U.S. Army. Tom and Kats were transferred to high school in Santa Clara. Sam then began a long time employment as a chef with Sakura Gardens in Mt. View.
Soon after, Tamiko began a long-time working relationship with the Zollezzi family in the San Jose Rose Gardens area. First she was a domestic housekeeper for the elders Peter and Irene, then with Fred and Corlista (or Connie) and their four children. She saw them grow up from infancy and even after Tamiko’s retirement, remained in contact with the youngest, Mary Ann.
In the early 60’s, Tamiko did retail clerical work at Import Plus in Santa Clara for T.C. Chao, an entrepreneur in Oriental imported furniture business. Mr. Chao turned out to be the father of Frank who was Hiro’s roommate at Berkeley.
Also during the ‘60s, Tamiko looked after Mr. and Mrs. Suppiger, an elderly couple who shared her love of classical music. They got her tickets to the San Francisco Symphony and Tamiko drove them together to the concerts.
Approaching retirement, Tamiko became active in volunteer work at the Senior Center in San Jose’s Japan Town. As many know, sewing, knitting and crocheting were her life-long passions. She made hundreds of crafts and articles for the San Jose Yu-Ai Kai for gifts and fundraising. Over a 25 year period of volunteer service - she formed many enduring friendships.
Born Buddhist, Tamiko was a life-long adherent of the Shingonshu sect and was active in San Jose Odaishiko with the Koyasan Temple in Sacramento. After her husband’s death, she also attended the Jodoshinshu San Jose Betsuin, and became a member.
She was predeceased by her husband of 60 years, Sam Nishikawa in 1997 and her brother Chester Sugimoto in 2004.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
UNFILTERED -- how I like my sake and my conversations
Loss is a funny thing. Not really talked about. Hard to put into words. Everyone deals differently and comes to terms on their own. Oddly, grandma's passing has left me changed but i'm not sure how to describe the affect.
I feel sad, yet relieved. And I’m not much upset so to speak about it all but little things make me mourn her, especially since its so recent, like my friend Julie's grandmothers getting escorted to their seat prior to her wedding ceremony or Tiger Woods having won the British Open and dedicating it to his late dad. I know time will makes things less raw, but for now I don't feel my-happy go lucky-self.
Don't know why I put this stuff up here or anywhere public for that matter. It's definitely not a cry for help or sympathy plea. Somehow it's my way of "dealing" right now and getting shit of my chest. Like I said, unfiltered. Kanpai.
I feel sad, yet relieved. And I’m not much upset so to speak about it all but little things make me mourn her, especially since its so recent, like my friend Julie's grandmothers getting escorted to their seat prior to her wedding ceremony or Tiger Woods having won the British Open and dedicating it to his late dad. I know time will makes things less raw, but for now I don't feel my-happy go lucky-self.
Don't know why I put this stuff up here or anywhere public for that matter. It's definitely not a cry for help or sympathy plea. Somehow it's my way of "dealing" right now and getting shit of my chest. Like I said, unfiltered. Kanpai.
Monday, July 24, 2006
drunken baseball
wow. never have i gone to a game and not remembered a damn thing. but, i guess there are firsts for everything. kudos to lisa for hosting a pre-game bbq. cheers.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Yuri Sasaki Watanabe May 6, 1920-July 19, 2006
Uncanny life parallels:
beginnings like endings
training wheels like walkers
strollers like wheelchairs
cribs like hospital beds
formula like ensure
diapers like depends
beginnings like endings
Memorable Grandma quotes:
"Don't get old."
"I gotta fart. (Fart) Hallelujah. Hallelujah!"
"EAT, EAT, EAT!!"
"You're getting fat!"
"STOP IT!! Laugh like a lady (humph)."
"Eat, eat, eat."
"Move! Move! (while gently swatting the dogs out of her way with her feet)
"He's too old."
"Ask him how much he as in savings."
"Get married."
"I want you to be happy."
"Eat, eat, eat."
Lived 86 long years. Second youngest daughter of 7 (5 sisters, 1 brother). Had only an 8th grade education but cared for her entire family when her mom died and supported her own family when she had her two daughters. Loyal Sears employee for most of her life. Loyal workhorse. Gorgeous skin. Good cook. Voracious appetite. Loved egg anything... custard, overeasy, omlet, etc. Practical, yet generous. Full of treats. Ashes will be spread in the ocean off the coast of Hawaii where my grandfathers were spread 17 years ago.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
couple personal realizations
* the last two entries make this blog feel like an online diary. thing about diaries is, you never think anyone reads them. props to handa for having read mine and acutally saying so.
* this past week has reinforced that at this stage of my life i have a hard time visualizing a social event with OUT alcohol. i am not an alcoholic but thinking through all the shit i do with friends and family, the social lubricant is often something containing alcohol....
* i am commitment-phobic. mix that with an inability to say NO and you've got trouble. let's just say that even when I am COMPLETELY honest and an open book about my feelings, people hear only what they want to hear. I'm not sure what my deal is... maybe I am waiting for the pitter-patter of the heartstrings or flutter of love to sock me in the gut but lately I'm just not feeling it, even though I'm showered with nothing but love. bachelors beware.
* this past week has reinforced that at this stage of my life i have a hard time visualizing a social event with OUT alcohol. i am not an alcoholic but thinking through all the shit i do with friends and family, the social lubricant is often something containing alcohol....
* i am commitment-phobic. mix that with an inability to say NO and you've got trouble. let's just say that even when I am COMPLETELY honest and an open book about my feelings, people hear only what they want to hear. I'm not sure what my deal is... maybe I am waiting for the pitter-patter of the heartstrings or flutter of love to sock me in the gut but lately I'm just not feeling it, even though I'm showered with nothing but love. bachelors beware.
Monday, June 26, 2006
feeling all grown up
i know i don't look my age and nearly all the time I don't feel like my age (28). only when having to deal with seemingly adult problems does reality hit home. things like marriage, kids, divorce, mortgages, taxes, aging parents, and death. bleh. carelessly, I prefer to deal in the now, sorta blow by blow and looking ahead or preparing for the future has never been my forte.
well now, my mom's mom who is 86 is dying. i guess she has been for a long time but i've sort of been in denial about the whole thing just shrugging it off as old age and the natual decline of the human body, but it's never really had a difinitive end in sight. i love her dearly and am so sad that her time is seemingly so close. to this day she remains a strong matriarch and relentless foodie in my mind. "eat, eat, EAT!," she says every visit. even saturday, seated in her wheelchair, undernourished and full of her own hopelessness, she ranted at others around her to eat, eat, eat... while she stared at her food listlessly with no appetite.
before last week, I didn't know what hospice was. I didn't know that it was something you had to qualify for and that generally it was a terminal service for those not expected to live longer than 6 months. the type of help someone dying of terminal cancer or HIV might need, but my grandma too? sadly, yes. it means, for her, that all medication and health care will be provided in home, 911 is no longer called rather the hospice service is and that it is DNR (do not resuscitate). gulp. damn getting old sucks.
i guess what's hardest is that even if you accept the fact that a loved one is dying, you are left in waiting, wondering when it will happen and trying to mentally prepare for the moment you know you'll never really be ready for emotionally.
well now, my mom's mom who is 86 is dying. i guess she has been for a long time but i've sort of been in denial about the whole thing just shrugging it off as old age and the natual decline of the human body, but it's never really had a difinitive end in sight. i love her dearly and am so sad that her time is seemingly so close. to this day she remains a strong matriarch and relentless foodie in my mind. "eat, eat, EAT!," she says every visit. even saturday, seated in her wheelchair, undernourished and full of her own hopelessness, she ranted at others around her to eat, eat, eat... while she stared at her food listlessly with no appetite.
before last week, I didn't know what hospice was. I didn't know that it was something you had to qualify for and that generally it was a terminal service for those not expected to live longer than 6 months. the type of help someone dying of terminal cancer or HIV might need, but my grandma too? sadly, yes. it means, for her, that all medication and health care will be provided in home, 911 is no longer called rather the hospice service is and that it is DNR (do not resuscitate). gulp. damn getting old sucks.
i guess what's hardest is that even if you accept the fact that a loved one is dying, you are left in waiting, wondering when it will happen and trying to mentally prepare for the moment you know you'll never really be ready for emotionally.
Monday, June 12, 2006
you should have a will dammit
well, here's a tough lesson that you if you don't learn then your beloved family pays the price. literally.
so my half-brother's mom (my dad's first wife; my mom was his second) passed away recently. that sucks, but even worst she didn't have a will. by law, her assets have to go through state probate. ultimately, that will cost her family about $13,000.
what's worse, her son, my brother, ken has been paying the mortgage on her house for the last 10 or so years but the deed on the house was under joint tenancy with the late Sharon and a family "friend." under joint tenancy the property is owned 50/50 with NO survivorship, meaning now that Sharon has passed away the entire title belongs to this so-called friend. well, ken has seen this friend maybe twice since he moved out of the house in the early 90's and has been paying the mortgage since then. this friend paid rent while he lived there but has hardly been seen since. now, technically the house is 100% his because his name was never removed from the deed. we hear that he has a new girlfriend who's son is in real estate and have the feeling that ken is going to get taken for all he's worth. lesson: take care of your paperwork and make yourself a will otherwise it gets really ugly when you die.
i still think people are good and do the right thing but here's a perfect example of someone NOT making good and doing the wrong thing. makes me sick to my stomach.
so my half-brother's mom (my dad's first wife; my mom was his second) passed away recently. that sucks, but even worst she didn't have a will. by law, her assets have to go through state probate. ultimately, that will cost her family about $13,000.
what's worse, her son, my brother, ken has been paying the mortgage on her house for the last 10 or so years but the deed on the house was under joint tenancy with the late Sharon and a family "friend." under joint tenancy the property is owned 50/50 with NO survivorship, meaning now that Sharon has passed away the entire title belongs to this so-called friend. well, ken has seen this friend maybe twice since he moved out of the house in the early 90's and has been paying the mortgage since then. this friend paid rent while he lived there but has hardly been seen since. now, technically the house is 100% his because his name was never removed from the deed. we hear that he has a new girlfriend who's son is in real estate and have the feeling that ken is going to get taken for all he's worth. lesson: take care of your paperwork and make yourself a will otherwise it gets really ugly when you die.
i still think people are good and do the right thing but here's a perfect example of someone NOT making good and doing the wrong thing. makes me sick to my stomach.
Monday, May 29, 2006
i heart my family
ok yeah, i'm a bartender. so everytime my little brother looks for a gift for me it's bar-based... last bday i got a 4-bottle spinner to pour drinks. then when he came home from Taiwan after visiting his gf's family, he brought back this special bottle. i'm not sure exactly what it was ... plum something, apparently pretty potent stuff, but the kicker was the packaging. it had an image of an old man smiling and offering you this drink on the front, then on the back he was beaten up and bruised like the bottle had kicked his ass (apparently having drank some). this was inspiration for Yakesaki 2006. Me, kel (little bro), ken (big bro), susie (sister-in-law), judy (kel's gf) and my roomie Julia on a sunny afternoon in May -- we BBQ'd, took Naomi (my niece) to the pool for the first time and inagurated this event by drinking this plum stuff and about 6 more bottles of champagne. Needless to say, everyone slept over and in the morning we watched the video from the previous night. when sober, video taped drunkenness leaves you in stitches. here are a couple of highlights from the evening.
mia madness
have you ever drank and drank and drank continuously so much so that you got a hang over before even going to sleep??! well, welcome to the world of mia. i cannot even pretend to keep up.
10:00 am meet the limo to go to the wine country
10:05 open the first bottle of champagne
10:30 bottle two
11:00 bottle three
11:30 finally we arrive at gloria ferrer and have two more bottles
12 pm leave for cloduval and buy 6 bottles of wine, have two or so over lunch
1:00 leave for for last winery (can't even recall the name it was all a blur)
2:00 head for the city; run out of wine, start on the hards stocked in the limo (first and last time i ever want to drink whisky out of a champagne flute)
3:00 stop for vista views of the GG bridge and city
4:00 arrive at mia's and drink some more i think
5:00 pass out in her bed
8:00 wake up, get dressed, take tequila shots before heading to hukilau for dinner
9:00 finally eat dinner and drink more shots and drinks at hukilau
11:00 head to the pig and whistle for MORE shots and drinks
2:00 am close the place down and head back to her house
4:00 am finally sober enough to go home (and have a blistering headache)
enjoy the pics......
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